|
Post by john on Oct 12, 2007 5:55:05 GMT -5
Zombie Lake Pretty awesomely bad.
|
|
|
Post by ukadam on Oct 12, 2007 20:12:29 GMT -5
inbred redneck alien abduction i was lent this & was told how bad it was.'i can handle it' being all macho about 15-20mins into it i turned it off.
|
|
|
Post by Azrael on Oct 14, 2007 23:39:18 GMT -5
he moaned about people on imdb giving his movies bad ratings before they are out.which made someone shout out 'because they are shit' True story: I used to run a fanatical Uwe Boll gimmick on IMDB about how his earlier, obscure work (that I couldn't/wouldn't possibly have seen) was good and that people should cut him a break.
|
|
mikeandike01
Maggot
Shooting warm puddles of fun on the face of the entertainment industry
Posts: 6
|
Post by mikeandike01 on Oct 25, 2007 7:32:00 GMT -5
WARNING: FIVE WORDS: HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL ON ICE
Ike: (Southern accent) You would not believe how much I hate you right now.
Mike: (English accent) I can live with that.
I: That flick hurt me, limey! Hurt be bad!
M: I didn’t escape unscathed.
I: It’s just over seventy minutes and I think I aged fifteen years.
M: Well, now at least you’re as old as you look.
PAUSE
I: Damn, that’s harsh . . . but good. Ten points.
M: And on that note: Greetings and salutations. He’s not Mike.
I: He ain’t Ike. We got a dark tale for ya today, neopets, so be warned. Listen ta our words and avoid the 1948 flick The Amazing Mister X, for it ain’t for the faint of heart or anyone with a FUCKIN’ BRAIN CELL! Seriously, this thing achieves levels of suckitude usually reserved only for Ed Wood and Ben Stiller.
M: You loved his TV show and Zoolander.
I: Starsky and Hutch and Night at the Museum cancel that out.
M: Point taken. Directed by Bernard Vorhaus, who had a prolific thirty year career making all kinds of crap, the title is unfortunately quite misleading. There is no Mister X anywhere in the film and there is not a single thing about it which could be called amazing.
I: The card tricks are cool.
M: That I will give you.
I: But other than that, this flick FUCKIN’ SUCKS!
M: Our heroine is a woman with a dead husband and a face sculpted out of month old luncheon meat. She also has a younger sister who’s apparently a whore. The two of them live in a large house by the sea where Sis works her way through the phone book and Widow walks on the beach because she thinks the waves are talking to her, which is slightly ironic since we can barely hear them on the soundtrack. Seriously, we see large waves crashing into the rocks and we hear someone throw a glass of water onto a sock monkey.
I: And they musta only shot for ten minutes on the actual beach, cause mosta this scene is shot on a set with a dirty sheet hung up ta project the background. They didn’t use a greenscreen, they used an obvious screen. Kinda jarrin,’ actually.
M: The pimento loaf that is her countenance becomes dismayed when she hears the voice of her dead husband, who sounds like he died of a botched tracheotomy, and she meets a psychic, who within three seconds of his first appearance comes across as a pretentious, fey douchewaddle.
I: And his name wasn’t Mike. Go fig.
PAUSE
M: The psychic tells her that hubby is trying to contact her from beyond the grave, which makes her happy but does not please her current “boyfriend,” a man with the personality of a roll of Bounty and a face sculpted out of a slab of warm butter. He’s even less happy when she starts spending way too much time with Dr. Douche, limiting his chances of not getting laid even more. Since he has a lot of extra time and even more pent up energy, he decides to enlist the help of Sis and the only interesting character in the entire film, a detective who does magic tricks, to investigate the psychic and prove that he is a fraud.
I: Ya know, I can make this a lot simpler.
M: That’s not surprising.
I: The psychic’s a fraud, hubby ain’t dead, they join forces, even though the psychic has jumped the fence and fallen in love with the sister, hubby tries ta kill both women, psychic tries ta kill hubby, the cops succeed, the whore has a new man to use, and bologna face goes back ta givin’ her guy blue balls. The end. The less spoken about this thing the better.
M: I told you this one was going to hurt.
I: Like I believe a single thing that comes out of your mouth!
M: You’re a good critic.
PAUSE
I: Back to you, asshole.
M: We have said this before, usually pertaining to more modern movies, but it certainly works for the “classics:” Just because you can make a film, doesn’t mean that you should. I: Hear that Uwe Bowell?
M: Careful. He might challenge you to a boxing match.
I: I’ll fight him after he fights David Manning. Can we get onta somethin’ worthwhile?
M: Your outing?
I: Your autopsy?
M: Damn, that's harsh . . . but good. Ten points.
I: And on that note: namaste.
|
|
|
Post by astrocreep on Nov 15, 2007 23:49:52 GMT -5
>:(bloodrayn is if not the worst movie ever made
|
|
|
Post by ukadam on Nov 16, 2007 6:53:43 GMT -5
>:(bloodrayn is if not the worst movie ever made watch SEED by Uwe Boll you might change your mind,worst cgi ive ever seen in a film,even joe lynch & adam green hated it.
|
|
|
Post by jonnyDformed on Feb 3, 2008 14:41:35 GMT -5
the remake of when a stranger calls, mainly because i sat through it with a girl talker her through everyhing that was about to happen, then it ended, then she left :/
|
|
|
Post by jonnyDformed on Feb 3, 2008 17:38:03 GMT -5
There's this Japanese movie about teenage girl zombies that I hated. Can't recall the title. not biozombie i hope, aint seen it for years but i remember it was fun
|
|
|
Post by Denny Colt on Feb 3, 2008 22:25:09 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by loverofbeers on Aug 29, 2011 17:05:26 GMT -5
My favorite lame Horror film is Ed Wood's Orgy of the Dead. It's like a lapdance in a graveyard with special comedy cameos by the Universal Wolf-Man and Mummy, simply henchmen of the lord of the night (and host of the titty-bar graveyard). It is better than Plan 9, and I do recommend.
I want my money and time spent back after watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. Awful stinker of a bombing turd of what-the-fuck-is-going-on-now nonsense.
After that I'd say Jeepers Creepers and its sequel.
|
|
|
Post by loverofbeers on Aug 29, 2011 17:18:34 GMT -5
I'm adding on Teeth. SPOILER. A movie about vagina dentata. A vag with teeth. I am enough of a mysognyst already. I don't need to watch a movie about how all men suck and penises are bitten off. Saw it on the silver screen. Ug.
Also Rob Zombie's Halloween was a painful premier night watch for me. No magic or soul in that one. And no "Shape" just a huge monster-man.
|
|
|
Post by loverofbeers on Aug 29, 2011 23:09:52 GMT -5
Oh I have one more.
Andy Warhol's Dracula. Dracula is a snivling sissy and crier in this movie. I wanted to give him a tuckie myself. Painful to watch. The Count was too "flamey" to be a proper Lord of the Night.
|
|
|
Post by jamiemark on Sept 1, 2011 14:56:03 GMT -5
I thought the latest Frank Hennenlotter movie "Bad Biology" was pretty much crap.
|
|
|
Post by jamiemark on Sept 1, 2011 15:09:57 GMT -5
Zombie Lake Pretty awesomely bad. I like it because it's so bad. The green makeup rubbing off on to their victims, and the townspeople eliminating the zombies with a giant flame thrower device made me laugh.
|
|
|
Post by jamiemark on Sept 1, 2011 15:16:30 GMT -5
Rock N Roll Nightmare is pretty bad. Basically this band goes to a house and killed off until it gets down to the lead singer. Who whips Satan’s ass. Here's a clip from it. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ok8JGQZubp8Zombie Nightmare as well. Any movie with that Thor dude stinks, not even in a funny bad way.
|
|